wat bout pragnant strippers??
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
