Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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