So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
