My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
