Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
