did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it's like iHOP with fire
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
