I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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