This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Couch. On fire.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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