I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
