Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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