Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
