His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
