Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize