we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
bring money and cleavage
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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