my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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