My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
