Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
