I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
