Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
