i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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