He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
