well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
