Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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