We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
