Yo dont text me then not text me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
