i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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