apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we're making bets on your personal life
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
