I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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