she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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