It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
