i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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