She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize