I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
