please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
