walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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