Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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