You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just cropdusted the office
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
