Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the day after is always just damage control
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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