Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
