I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
