He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
