i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
