I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
