Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
