I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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