; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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