No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
