after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
