she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
