Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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