two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
