I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
