Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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