What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
