I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
