Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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