Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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