Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
