:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
