Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
