I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
