i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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