actually, I'm a sock model
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
