Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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