I want to walk on stilts...naked
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
