After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
